Breathe. Just breathe.

Well....life is a roller coaster. From Monday of last week to Tuesday of this week we have found out that our house that we planned on moving into in just a few days from now is no longer possible. The slab has a detection of moisture and because of that we cannot proceed with the offer. It's too risky purchasing a house that could have a foundation issue. And, long story short...well, way short...we somehow worked ourselves out of our lease at our current place. What was once, "let us know when you know more information" turned into listing the house on craigslist, having people come by the house, and then having it rented out and we're out by September 1st. A complete and utter nightmare.

Now we are finding another rental. Finding a rental sucks. Rent is too expensive in San Diego, well if you don't want to live in a hole. And we are sort of in love with our current house and the backyard and being 7 blocks from the beach and now we may need to go into a crappy place, or maybe an apartment where Chloe would be back on a leash for potty breaks. I just can't believe that we have gotten to this place.

My anger and frustration is balanced only because of my faith in God. So many verses have comforted me in the past day(s) that are helping me cope with this very trying time. I can't help but think I caused this for my family - to move my 8 month old son out of his house, my husband who has enough work to deal with during the day, and well the little crazy girl Chloe out of her backyard haven into the unknown future. I need to remember though that God is faithful, he is Good, and he will never forsake me. Reminding myself that finding a new place to live is peanuts compared to what other people are dealing with in their lives. We have our health. We have each other. And, we have our constant faith in our Lord knowing He will always provide. What else do we need?

Here are some of them that have helped:
James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

"I've commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't ever be afraid or discouraged! I am the LORD your God, and I will be there to help you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 CEV

and of course...
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

It is such a weight lifted off when I can remind myself that there are so many people with so much less than I have. God will provide and whatever He provides I want to be grateful. I need to be grateful for a million of things. There are so many things I don't remember to thank Him for putting in my life on a regular basis. I want to pray first for others' needs before mine. Yes, I have things I need to lift to God on my own prayer list, but there are so many others that could come before any of my needs. Being grateful for what I do have and not dwelling on what I don't have is where I need to focus my thoughts. Life isn't about houses, or where and in what city you live in, or any of that other stuff. Of course, it is necessary but it just doesn't matter. God will provide. I firmly believe that and so what right do I have to worry?

I'm grateful for:
My wonderful husband. We're not always together, on the same page or in the same location but we love and respect each other above all. We work hard and our marriage is top priority. I'm so grateful I am able to candidly speak to him about when we need to reassess our relationship and so we can grow. I'm grateful he works so hard and gives up so much to serve our family, our country, and the EOD community.

My blessed son. Oh my - where are the words. In fact, there aren't words, there are tears streaming down my face. What a gift. A gift that wasn't planned, expected, tried for, or even thought of (just kidding, I've been thinking of babies for years : ) but there aren't words to explain how wonderfully magnificent and perfect that little boy is. With one smile my heart doesn't hurt in this trying time, and with one giggle everything is okay.

My family. My parents and my in-laws. They are both fantastic. However, my parents have been truly unbelievable in this difficult time. I wasn't always the best daughter, in fact, I was pretty miserable in my teenage years. I'm so grateful for the relationship we have made in the past several years and my connection with my mom now that we're both 'mothers.' They have in the past and continue to prove that they would do anything for me, my family, and come to think of it a ton of my friends. In this situation they are doing things beyond belief that are done purely out of love for us. Without going into too much detail because I'm sure they would like to be kept private, basically they are giving to us when they themselves need to be given to. I don't know of a better way to show the Father's love then to give to your children as He gives to us. Amazed. Just amazed.

My friends. There are some people in this world that just change your life by being your friend. There are so many people that this list could highlight but just know I'm so appreciative and grateful for your love and support.

And lastly but really first(ly), my Savior.

We'll get through, everybody has gone through tough times in their lives and this is one of ours. Prayers all always appreciated and I'm grateful for all the support and love we've been shown during this craziness.

Love you all!